Feb. 5th, 2001

bextraordinary: (Default)
Ola.. no exclamation mark, hehe..

So I have lots of homework to do.. I forget why I decided to upsate this. Just to get thoughts down so I remember to go over them later, I spose.. That helps me a lot, actually. If I don't write down everything I'm thinking right now, I'll go insane.. and, seeing my IM away message is up, people might look here and find an answer to their question.. :)

Starters.. Mark, I love the song, hehe. It brings back heaps of memories, I remember when it was popular in Aus. I like the part about the eyes and arms.. it's pretty. And I downloaded the other song I was talking to you about and I just figured out what it's about! Maybe that's why you said you don't like it.. oh well.

*sigh* I'm sitting here, staring blankly at my math assignment sheet and wishing it would burst into flames. I hate it... hate. it. so. much.

Feels like.. I'm standing in a timeless dream.. of lightness, of pale emeralds.. feels like.. I'm lost in a deep could of heavenly scent, touching, discovering you.. Those days..

Bah, I'm in A Mood. Not anything in particular, just.. A Mood. Feeling sappy, happy, depressed, romantic, hyper, dramatic.. everything at once. This is what it is, huh naalts? You were right allll along.. all of you. Amanda, Naalti, Di, EVERYONE, I'm sorry for not listening.. Will you help me now? Help me get out.. I don't like this anymore. It was fun.. until I lost control.

I'll add to this later.. I HAVE to do that work.. it helps bring me back to earth.
*smile*
Bye.
bextraordinary: (Default)
Donna Lewis
I love you always forever


Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream
Of light mists and pale amber rose
Feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent
Touching discovering you
Those days of warm rains come rushing back to me
Miles of windless summer night air
Secret moments shared in the heat of the afternoon
Out of the stillness soft spoken words
Say say it again

I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you

You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got me almost melting away
As we lay there under blue sky with pure white stars
Exotic sweetness a magical time
Say say it again

I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you

Say you'll love me forever
Never stop never whatever
Near and far and always and everywhere and everyhting

I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you
bextraordinary: (Default)
Woohoo.. had to add s'more shtuff.. I was bored and the chocolate sauce is raiding my brain. Ahhhhh!

I've gone all girl-powery now and I'm listening to Get Another Boyfriend. Enough of that sissy love crap I was carrying on with before. We all know it's not really like that, right?

Dumdedumm.. K, Mark wants me to talk about him now. Wait.. he has to tell me what to write first... Waiting... waiting.. shyness is a curse, dear... Poophead. Well I'll talk about him anyway.. let's talk about up north.. It's about time the whole story got out anyways. Oh there.. he said to tell you all he's freaking hot. I disagree. Not hot, cute. But on with my story.

Lessee.. it was my first summer in America. I think.. Musta bin. K, and I dragged my friend Diana up north.. no, wait, this is boring. Well, it all resulted in Diana and I fighting over Mark, but she eventually settled for Larry cos she liked his hat. Go figure. It was a cool hat, I guess. Soooo...

I had not part in this! I was trying to drag her back.. but she walked downstairs and asked the guys if they wanted to go for a walk.. along the beach at sunset?! Was she INSANE?! K, so we went on this walk, up to the big rock at the end of the beach.. we made a big fuss about not climbing it, the guys tried to coax us up, we refused.. we walked back. This is all very romantic and such.

THEN, we had a big watergun fight. That was the guys' turn to be.. well.. guys. And I fell. Hard. I guess someone just comes along at the right time, you're in the right place, you're ready to like someone. For real.

A whole mess of stuff happened.. it was all confusing and I get things mixed up so I'm not going to post them here in case I'm wrong. But there was a big... thing.. and I acted like I didn't care. Teenagers do that, I learned. One day in 8th grade (completely unrelated to this) I just broke down in my English class.. I started bawling.. and my teacher said something interesting. He commented on how teenages can act like nothing is wrong until a simple word sets them off and all the walls fall down.. that happened to me.

I didn't talk to Mark for about 6 months.. I forgot, I guess. I hated him for a long time, then I just felt bad, then I.. forgot. *shrug* Here comes the interesting part.

Hah, we went up north again.. Mark was supposed to be in Spain. Or that's what I was told.. I was walking back from the Putt-Putt place with my icecream (Barb, Larry and I had gone to get them) when we meandered past Mark's house. Who the HELL do you think was in the driveway, washing the car?! I was SO shocked, I dropped my icecream, grabbed Barb, and we ran. I guess I wasn't ready to see him there. It was all a big fuss, really.. it was fine, after.. I spose. Apart from the gummi bear incident.. *blushes* I have to confess that that was ALL my idea.. I bet Barb she couldn't stick a gummi bear to Mark's face.. She took the bet.. *chuckles* She lost. It fell off.

But now he knows.. now you know.. lol, not big secrets. Just girly obsessions. And dropped icecreams.. it was a turtle sundae, too.. I'll get him back for that one. For not being in spain, that BUM!
bextraordinary: (Default)
Funny things happen when you OD on lipgloss and chocolate. For instance, you start thinking about the way the heart and mind coexist and feel compelled to write about it..

I think that when you're ready to fall in love, you do. You can't choose who, or when, or why. You just do. And you love that person just because. And it seems like everything in the world would be fixed if they would just love you back.. but how often dows this really happen? Um, never. Not in MY life.

I also LEARNED that you can't run away. Ever. You can try to avoid them.. you can ignore them. I hated him, and the whole time I wasn't talkign to him I tried to come up with excused to IM him. I couldn't help it. All the crying, the swearing, the raging against the evils of mankind.. only to be weak again.

I learned that you can't do anything about it. You just have to go with the flow and if it's a rip tide, you're fucked. Excuse my language. And you can float out to sea and drown and never be happy again, but y'know what? That's the way it works. And times trickles slowly by while you're a) trying to decide if you really DO like him or b) denying you ever thought about him in the first place.

I learned that being in love SUCKS. It's like having constant PMS. You don't know what you want, you don't know how you feel, and you can't escape. And while you love the guy, you hate him for doing this to you, because now you've lost control. You can't escape, you can't make him do anything.. you're in his hands. And if he doesn't know, he might drop you, like a glass bottle, and shards of you, or what used to be you, will fly everywhere and never be whole again.

Oh, sure.. life goes on.. but there's always something there. There's always the first love. And GOD, may he be a total LOSER, you'll still love him..

This isn't directed at ANYONE, so don't flatter yourself by thinking I'm talking about you.. it's just what I've seen, what I've understood.. it's just what I'm writing down for future reference, y'know..

Peace. Not love.. that's contradiction.

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bextraordinary

May 2001

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