Mar. 30th, 2001

bextraordinary: (Default)
I need to take my mind off things.. so I'll just babble away in here..

I'm sick, I think.. my mood has just taken a dive and I'm so upset my hands are shaking and I can't type.. I have chills and I'm crying for no reason.. I keep looking at my buddylist, wondering what I did that was so wrong.. how horrible I really was.. why I can't go back and change everything, undo all the wrong I've wrought..

Then I get angry.. I don't deserve this.. I did nothing wrong. I shouldn't be treated so badly by people I trusted.. did trust.

Okay, my heart's slowing down a bit now. I can be strong.. I will not turn back because the only way to go is forward. The only way to walk is by placing one foot in front of the other and moving steadily forward. I will not yield.

To Amanda - Best of luck tomorrow, you have my wishes!

The lady is coming to interview my family, to see if I'm okay to go to Sweden. Wouldn't it be amusing if I had one of my little... episodes.. in front of her?

To Kath, if she reads this - Looks like we both ended up in the same boat.. issues, huh? On opposite sides of the world and we're still connected. I owe you so much.. I can't wait to see you again..

I'll write again later.
bextraordinary: (Default)
What happens when you lose the person you used to confide in, and even if they did talk to you, you can't say what you want to say anyway?

If the lump in my throat gets any bigger, will I stop breathing and die a merciful death?

What happens if you cry so much over one thing, your tears give it life and it comes back.. better than before?

I turned to you
When nights were cold and lonely
I always took your presence
For granted
Now here.. alone again, I cry dry tears
And can't believe I threw it all away

I looked to you
When life was on a downhill run
I always took your words of
Advice to heart
Now here.. alone again, my hands shake, cold
And I can't believe you'd throw it all away

What did I do
To hurt you
Denied requests, did what was best
I knew
I'd hurt you
As it's always been
And will be once again..


bextraordinary: (Default)

May 2001

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