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I need to take my mind off things.. so I'll just babble away in here..

I'm sick, I think.. my mood has just taken a dive and I'm so upset my hands are shaking and I can't type.. I have chills and I'm crying for no reason.. I keep looking at my buddylist, wondering what I did that was so wrong.. how horrible I really was.. why I can't go back and change everything, undo all the wrong I've wrought..

Then I get angry.. I don't deserve this.. I did nothing wrong. I shouldn't be treated so badly by people I trusted.. did trust.

Okay, my heart's slowing down a bit now. I can be strong.. I will not turn back because the only way to go is forward. The only way to walk is by placing one foot in front of the other and moving steadily forward. I will not yield.


To Amanda - Best of luck tomorrow, you have my wishes!

The lady is coming to interview my family, to see if I'm okay to go to Sweden. Wouldn't it be amusing if I had one of my little... episodes.. in front of her?

To Kath, if she reads this - Looks like we both ended up in the same boat.. issues, huh? On opposite sides of the world and we're still connected. I owe you so much.. I can't wait to see you again..

I'll write again later.
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bextraordinary

May 2001

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